Monday, December 31, 2007
Lara on The Exhilarating Experience that is Life
"Many apologies for not updating my blog. Life is boring."
Lara on being Furtive
"Well, I was at home, and there was an ice cream truck, and I went in the bathroom and tried to spy on it."
Lara on Girl Scout Cookies
Lara found this in her personal vault of recorded Laraisms (which is approximately one acre in area; only a small fragment get published on this very modest blog)
Translation: I can't remember what to say at the door when I come to solicit fund-raising cookies, so I'm going to write it down on a piece of paper that I can read. Much easier.
Translation: I can't remember what to say at the door when I come to solicit fund-raising cookies, so I'm going to write it down on a piece of paper that I can read. Much easier.
Lara on Girl Scout Cookies
Lara found this in her personal vault of recorded Laraisms (which is approximately one acre in area; only a small fragment get published on this very modest blog)
Translation: I can't remember what to say at the door when I come to solicit sweet female organization pastries, so I'm going to write it down on a piece of paper that I can read. Much easier.
Translation: I can't remember what to say at the door when I come to solicit sweet female organization pastries, so I'm going to write it down on a piece of paper that I can read. Much easier.
Lara on...something something blah blah tweezers
"Six pairs of kjewroij4rmclj tweezers."
Kira: What?
"I don't even know."
Kira: What?
"I don't even know."
LARA SIGHTING
WHO: LARA QWERTYUIOP AND SOMETHING ON HER HEAD
WHAT: A PERSON WITH AN UNUSUAL PROPENSITY FOR SPITTING OUT HILARITIES, AND SOMETHING ON HER HEAD
WHERE: PROBABLY SOMEWHERE IN CANADA
WHY: WE HAVE YET TO DETERMINE THE MOTIVE
HOW: APPARENTLY SHE'S SINGING TO IT.
Lara on Spending Money Wisely
*describing tale of a pair of boots that Lara did not manage to snag from Goodwill*
John: So what'd you learn from this?
"Buy stuff without thinking!"
John: So what'd you learn from this?
"Buy stuff without thinking!"
Laraisms Guest Speaker #3
We are proud to present you with our third guest speaker on Laraisms, Lillie!
Mr. K: What's your superpower?
Lillie: Patience.
(Someone else): What's your superpower?
Lillie: Patience.
John: What's your superpower?
Lillie (louder, with fists): Patience!!!!!!!
Mr. K: What's your superpower?
Lillie: Patience.
(Someone else): What's your superpower?
Lillie: Patience.
John: What's your superpower?
Lillie (louder, with fists): Patience!!!!!!!
Friday, December 28, 2007
Saturday, December 22, 2007
Lara on Promises
"Let's pinky swear."
(Kira and Lara pinky swear)
Kira: What did we just swear on?
"I dunno, I thought you knew."
(Kira and Lara pinky swear)
Kira: What did we just swear on?
"I dunno, I thought you knew."
Tuesday, December 18, 2007
A now, a full-length episode!
Setting: A Steak N' Shake
When: After a performance at the school
Key People: Dani, Allistair, Izzy, Annie, Emma, Lara, David
*Lara leaves seat to go to bathroom. Izzy sees that she has left her purse. She takes it and hands it down to Allistair. Lara returns.*
(Simultaneously) Allistair: What am I doing with this? *holds up purse*
Lara: Where's my purse?
Emma: *throws Allistair a meaningful glare*
Izzy: Lara, you didn't have a purse.
Lara: Yes, I did. I left it right here.
Emma: No, you didn't, Lara.
Lara: Yes, I did!
Izzy: Oh, no. She probably left it in David's car.
Emma: Lara, did you leave your purse in the car?
Lara: NO, I left it right here!
Izzy: Lara, there wasn't a purse here.
Lara: Yes, there was!
Annie: I'll call David. *As Izzy and Emma snicker, Annie calls David* Hey, David, did Lara leave her purse in your car? (beat) Can you check in the back? (beat) Okay, thanks. *hangs up* He says it's not there.
Emma: *laughing* Did you really call him?
Annie: Yeah.
Izzy and Emma: *cracking up* (whispering) He doesn't have it!
Annie: *glares* Oh. *calls David back* David? (beat) Yeah, nevermind. *hangs up*
Lara: Where's my purse?!?
Izzy: Did you even have it, Lara?
Lara: Yes, it was right here! It's a little denim purse, about this big *makes a shape with her hands*
Allistair: *holds up denim shoulder strap* Like this?
Lara: Yes! *takes shoulder strap* Where's the rest?
Izzy: All right, Allistair. Are you holding the rest of her imaginary purse ransom?
Allistair: Why would I hold her purse for ransom if it has all of her money in it?
Lara: (now in complete realization that she's being messed with) There are also Tic-Tacs!
Izzy: I've never seen this purse before. This strap is all I've seen of it.
Lara: It's not a strap! It's a ghetto belt!
Izzy: *takes strap and puts in it on like a belt* I like this! It really accentuates my curves!
Lara: Where's my purse?
Izzy: Okay, guys. This is no longer a shoulder strap, it is apparently a ghetto belt.
Lara: Where's my purse?
Izzy: Okay, I'll call David back. *pretends to call David* Hey, David? (beat) Yeah, can you look again? Apparently what we found was not a shoulder strap, but a ghetto belt.
Lara: You know it's not really a belt...
Izzy: *continues* (beat) You sure? (beat) Did you look under the seat? (beat) Okay, thanks.
Allistar: Hey, anyone want a Tic-Tac?
Lara: Oh, I'll have one.
Izzy: What else have you got in your purse, Lara?
Lara: Uhm... there's band-aids!
*conversation goes nowhere for a while*
Allistair: OW, I cut my finger!
Dani: Good thing you've got those band-aids, Allistair.
Allistair: Yeah! *gives some to Lara* Here, have some band-aids.
Izzy: What else do you have, Lara?
Lara: There's some lip gloss in there.
Allistair: Like this? *pulls out Burt's Bees Lip Gloss*
Lara: Yeah.
Emma: Wow, I didn't know you wore that flavor, Allistair!
Izzy: Hey, Lara, isn't that the same kind you have?
Lara: Yeah, it is!
Allistair: What a coincidence!
Emma: Lara, is your cell phone in there?
Lara: Yeah, it is, but it's dead.
Allistair: Aw... looks like my cell phone's dead.
Izzy: Hey, Lara, isn't that the same style of your cell phone?
Lara: Yeah!
Emma: Hey, Lara, do you have your car keys? I can't find mine.
Lara: Yeah, they're in my purse.
Emma: Hey, Allistair, do you have my keys in your purse?
Allistair: Lemme see. Hey, yeah!
Dani: *sees the heart keychain* That's a nice keychain, Allistair.
Emma: What's it say on there, Allistair? *takes keychain* Hey, Allistair, I never knew your middle name was Lara!
Allistair: Yes, that's me, Allistair Lara *******.
Izzy: Hey, Emma, look at my recent calls list.
Emma: David's not on there!
Izzy: That's really weird!
Emma: Can you delete them? That's really weird!
Lara: Well, there's nothing left in my purse.
Dani: *drops purse on Lara's head*
Allistair: Hey, look! Is that your purse?!?
THE END
When: After a performance at the school
Key People: Dani, Allistair, Izzy, Annie, Emma, Lara, David
*Lara leaves seat to go to bathroom. Izzy sees that she has left her purse. She takes it and hands it down to Allistair. Lara returns.*
(Simultaneously) Allistair: What am I doing with this? *holds up purse*
Lara: Where's my purse?
Emma: *throws Allistair a meaningful glare*
Izzy: Lara, you didn't have a purse.
Lara: Yes, I did. I left it right here.
Emma: No, you didn't, Lara.
Lara: Yes, I did!
Izzy: Oh, no. She probably left it in David's car.
Emma: Lara, did you leave your purse in the car?
Lara: NO, I left it right here!
Izzy: Lara, there wasn't a purse here.
Lara: Yes, there was!
Annie: I'll call David. *As Izzy and Emma snicker, Annie calls David* Hey, David, did Lara leave her purse in your car? (beat) Can you check in the back? (beat) Okay, thanks. *hangs up* He says it's not there.
Emma: *laughing* Did you really call him?
Annie: Yeah.
Izzy and Emma: *cracking up* (whispering) He doesn't have it!
Annie: *glares* Oh. *calls David back* David? (beat) Yeah, nevermind. *hangs up*
Lara: Where's my purse?!?
Izzy: Did you even have it, Lara?
Lara: Yes, it was right here! It's a little denim purse, about this big *makes a shape with her hands*
Allistair: *holds up denim shoulder strap* Like this?
Lara: Yes! *takes shoulder strap* Where's the rest?
Izzy: All right, Allistair. Are you holding the rest of her imaginary purse ransom?
Allistair: Why would I hold her purse for ransom if it has all of her money in it?
Lara: (now in complete realization that she's being messed with) There are also Tic-Tacs!
Izzy: I've never seen this purse before. This strap is all I've seen of it.
Lara: It's not a strap! It's a ghetto belt!
Izzy: *takes strap and puts in it on like a belt* I like this! It really accentuates my curves!
Lara: Where's my purse?
Izzy: Okay, guys. This is no longer a shoulder strap, it is apparently a ghetto belt.
Lara: Where's my purse?
Izzy: Okay, I'll call David back. *pretends to call David* Hey, David? (beat) Yeah, can you look again? Apparently what we found was not a shoulder strap, but a ghetto belt.
Lara: You know it's not really a belt...
Izzy: *continues* (beat) You sure? (beat) Did you look under the seat? (beat) Okay, thanks.
Allistar: Hey, anyone want a Tic-Tac?
Lara: Oh, I'll have one.
Izzy: What else have you got in your purse, Lara?
Lara: Uhm... there's band-aids!
*conversation goes nowhere for a while*
Allistair: OW, I cut my finger!
Dani: Good thing you've got those band-aids, Allistair.
Allistair: Yeah! *gives some to Lara* Here, have some band-aids.
Izzy: What else do you have, Lara?
Lara: There's some lip gloss in there.
Allistair: Like this? *pulls out Burt's Bees Lip Gloss*
Lara: Yeah.
Emma: Wow, I didn't know you wore that flavor, Allistair!
Izzy: Hey, Lara, isn't that the same kind you have?
Lara: Yeah, it is!
Allistair: What a coincidence!
Emma: Lara, is your cell phone in there?
Lara: Yeah, it is, but it's dead.
Allistair: Aw... looks like my cell phone's dead.
Izzy: Hey, Lara, isn't that the same style of your cell phone?
Lara: Yeah!
Emma: Hey, Lara, do you have your car keys? I can't find mine.
Lara: Yeah, they're in my purse.
Emma: Hey, Allistair, do you have my keys in your purse?
Allistair: Lemme see. Hey, yeah!
Dani: *sees the heart keychain* That's a nice keychain, Allistair.
Emma: What's it say on there, Allistair? *takes keychain* Hey, Allistair, I never knew your middle name was Lara!
Allistair: Yes, that's me, Allistair Lara *******.
Izzy: Hey, Emma, look at my recent calls list.
Emma: David's not on there!
Izzy: That's really weird!
Emma: Can you delete them? That's really weird!
Lara: Well, there's nothing left in my purse.
Dani: *drops purse on Lara's head*
Allistair: Hey, look! Is that your purse?!?
THE END
A LARAISMS GUEST SPEAKER
*Emma is reading Twilight out loud*
Emma: (in a very high-pitched voice) "A table for two?" Her voice...
"HIS voice!"
*Emma looks at page, realizes she has just said Edward's line in the waitress' voice, and covers her eyes in shame. After much laughing...*
Emma: (in an incredibly deep voice) "A table for two?"
Emma: (in a very high-pitched voice) "A table for two?" Her voice...
"HIS voice!"
*Emma looks at page, realizes she has just said Edward's line in the waitress' voice, and covers her eyes in shame. After much laughing...*
Emma: (in an incredibly deep voice) "A table for two?"
Sunday, December 16, 2007
Lara on Breathing
*Emma places herself on top of Lara's arm*
"You're on my arm! I can't breathe!"
Dad: You don't need your arm to breathe.
"Says you!"
"You're on my arm! I can't breathe!"
Dad: You don't need your arm to breathe.
"Says you!"
Saturday, December 15, 2007
Lara on Laraisms
"You can't just ask me to say Laraisms... I just kind of puke them up, in the words of Sam. She was trying to say a Samism, and she just said, 'I can't do it. You just kind of puke them up.' I'm like, wow, that's a nice visual, Sam."
*Lara makes a puking noise and gestures with her hands*
"Blllllaaaargh... corn!"
*Lara makes a puking noise and gestures with her hands*
"Blllllaaaargh... corn!"
Lara on Removing Plants from the House
"Don't worry... it's supposed to do that."
*stuff falls off of chandelier*
"That means that you're doing it right."
*stuff falls off of chandelier*
"That means that you're doing it right."
Sunday, December 2, 2007
Lara on Phrasing
"Yeah, my walls are sorta covered in crap."
Emma: Yeah. They are covered in crap.
"No! Only I can say that. To you, it's 'creative junk'."
Emma: Yeah. They are covered in crap.
"No! Only I can say that. To you, it's 'creative junk'."
NEWS UPDATE: LARA SIGHTING
There has been a Lara sighting! At 12:42 a.m. this morning, Lara was spotted dancing to crazy music on stage at Elliot Hall. Apparently, a civilian with a video camera caught a brief recording of the amazing spectacle, which we are now privileged to watch. The civilian declined to give their name.
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