(while singing The Bitch of Living in the car with Emma, they get to the "look so nasty in those khakis" line. Lara has just been discussing someone on the internet who was asking is nasty meant bad or sexyfine.)
"You look nasty in those khakis."
Emma: (laughs a lot at this.)
"Hanschen would be the Stacey and Clinton of 19th century Germany."
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
Lara on Older Men
"We saw that Ted Neeley guy on Youtube, and he was, like, really smoking hot back in the day."
Thursday, May 8, 2008
Lara on Toilets
Laura: I guess Maci really had to go... (or something along those lines)
"Hey, you think the toilet ate her?"
"Hey, you think the toilet ate her?"
Monday, April 7, 2008
Lara on Tones
Mom: (asks a question)
"NO!"
Mom: Don't use that tone with me!
"Sorry, I'm in CAPS on IM and I forgot to turn it off for real life."
"NO!"
Mom: Don't use that tone with me!
"Sorry, I'm in CAPS on IM and I forgot to turn it off for real life."
Sunday, March 16, 2008
Lara on Riding Shotgun
*while riding in the front seat with Emma driving for the first time* "Woo!"
Emma: Woo!
"Woo!"
Emma: Woo!
*waits a bit* "Woo!"
Emma: Woo! *waits some more* Woo!
"Woo!"
NOTE: This whole "conversation" took place the entire time that we were driving out of the neighborhood.
Emma: Woo!
"Woo!"
Emma: Woo!
*waits a bit* "Woo!"
Emma: Woo! *waits some more* Woo!
"Woo!"
NOTE: This whole "conversation" took place the entire time that we were driving out of the neighborhood.
Lara on Pigs
"I'm now convinced that pigs are evil."
Emma: Because of Lord of the Flies?
"Actually, because of Animal Farm. But that, too."
Emma: Because of Lord of the Flies?
"Actually, because of Animal Farm. But that, too."
Lara on The Internet
Emma: *hears strange plunking noises coming from Lara's computer* What are you doing?
"Watching a cat play the piano."
Emma: Lara, just because you HAVE the Internet doesn't mean you have to USE it.
"Watching a cat play the piano."
Emma: Lara, just because you HAVE the Internet doesn't mean you have to USE it.
Tuesday, March 4, 2008
Lara on Mixed Messages
(Lara and Sam are chatting over AIM)
[20:49] Lara: haha
[20:49] Lara: D:
[20:49] Lara: I love to say something like LOL or haha and then make a sad face
[20:49] Lara: like HAHAHAHA D:
[20:50] Sam: MIXED MESSAGES
[20:50] Sam: *points sadistically*
[20:52] Lara: haha
[20:52] Lara: DX
[20:52] Lara: OMG THAT IS SO FUNNY D:
[20:52] Lara: WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE? YOU JERKS! :D
[20:49] Lara: haha
[20:49] Lara: D:
[20:49] Lara: I love to say something like LOL or haha and then make a sad face
[20:49] Lara: like HAHAHAHA D:
[20:50] Sam: MIXED MESSAGES
[20:50] Sam: *points sadistically*
[20:52] Lara: haha
[20:52] Lara: DX
[20:52] Lara: OMG THAT IS SO FUNNY D:
[20:52] Lara: WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE? YOU JERKS! :D
Saturday, February 16, 2008
Lara on Free Stuff
(In Juicy Couture)
"Omigod... is the candy free?"
(no one answers)
"Probably not..."
(hesitantly lifts the lid)
"I'm too scared. The might like, stone me with those jaw breakers over there if I take one..."
"Omigod... is the candy free?"
(no one answers)
"Probably not..."
(hesitantly lifts the lid)
"I'm too scared. The might like, stone me with those jaw breakers over there if I take one..."
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
Lara on Beards
(while discussing with Emma why it would be cool to be able to have a beard)
"Hmm... well, the best thing you can do for now is... STICK A MONKEY ON YOUR CHIN!" (throws monkey Beanie Baby at her)
"Hmm... well, the best thing you can do for now is... STICK A MONKEY ON YOUR CHIN!" (throws monkey Beanie Baby at her)
Lara on Money
(Emily and Lara are talking about orange roses)
Emily: They're 3 bucks.
"OH GAWD! THREE BUCKS! WITH THAT MUCH MONEY I COULD BUY VITAMIN WATER."
Emily: They're 3 bucks.
"OH GAWD! THREE BUCKS! WITH THAT MUCH MONEY I COULD BUY VITAMIN WATER."
Saturday, February 9, 2008
Sunday, February 3, 2008
Lara on Board Games
Dad: What are you doing?
"Playing the Game of Life by myself."
Dad: Do you want me to play it with you?
"Nah, I'm fine."
"Playing the Game of Life by myself."
Dad: Do you want me to play it with you?
"Nah, I'm fine."
Lara on Morality
(after hanging out with Emma and friends for a couple of minutes)
"You kids have serious issues. I worry for your souls."
"You kids have serious issues. I worry for your souls."
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
Lara on Saliva Pt. II
Emma: (having just received braces) Argghh.... I am drooling! Drooooool...
"Welcome to my life."
"Welcome to my life."
Monday, December 31, 2007
Lara on The Exhilarating Experience that is Life
"Many apologies for not updating my blog. Life is boring."
Lara on being Furtive
"Well, I was at home, and there was an ice cream truck, and I went in the bathroom and tried to spy on it."
Lara on Girl Scout Cookies
Lara found this in her personal vault of recorded Laraisms (which is approximately one acre in area; only a small fragment get published on this very modest blog)
Translation: I can't remember what to say at the door when I come to solicit fund-raising cookies, so I'm going to write it down on a piece of paper that I can read. Much easier.
Translation: I can't remember what to say at the door when I come to solicit fund-raising cookies, so I'm going to write it down on a piece of paper that I can read. Much easier.
Lara on Girl Scout Cookies
Lara found this in her personal vault of recorded Laraisms (which is approximately one acre in area; only a small fragment get published on this very modest blog)
Translation: I can't remember what to say at the door when I come to solicit sweet female organization pastries, so I'm going to write it down on a piece of paper that I can read. Much easier.
Translation: I can't remember what to say at the door when I come to solicit sweet female organization pastries, so I'm going to write it down on a piece of paper that I can read. Much easier.
Lara on...something something blah blah tweezers
"Six pairs of kjewroij4rmclj tweezers."
Kira: What?
"I don't even know."
Kira: What?
"I don't even know."
LARA SIGHTING
WHO: LARA QWERTYUIOP AND SOMETHING ON HER HEAD
WHAT: A PERSON WITH AN UNUSUAL PROPENSITY FOR SPITTING OUT HILARITIES, AND SOMETHING ON HER HEAD
WHERE: PROBABLY SOMEWHERE IN CANADA
WHY: WE HAVE YET TO DETERMINE THE MOTIVE
HOW: APPARENTLY SHE'S SINGING TO IT.
Lara on Spending Money Wisely
*describing tale of a pair of boots that Lara did not manage to snag from Goodwill*
John: So what'd you learn from this?
"Buy stuff without thinking!"
John: So what'd you learn from this?
"Buy stuff without thinking!"
Laraisms Guest Speaker #3
We are proud to present you with our third guest speaker on Laraisms, Lillie!
Mr. K: What's your superpower?
Lillie: Patience.
(Someone else): What's your superpower?
Lillie: Patience.
John: What's your superpower?
Lillie (louder, with fists): Patience!!!!!!!
Mr. K: What's your superpower?
Lillie: Patience.
(Someone else): What's your superpower?
Lillie: Patience.
John: What's your superpower?
Lillie (louder, with fists): Patience!!!!!!!
Friday, December 28, 2007
Saturday, December 22, 2007
Lara on Promises
"Let's pinky swear."
(Kira and Lara pinky swear)
Kira: What did we just swear on?
"I dunno, I thought you knew."
(Kira and Lara pinky swear)
Kira: What did we just swear on?
"I dunno, I thought you knew."
Tuesday, December 18, 2007
A now, a full-length episode!
Setting: A Steak N' Shake
When: After a performance at the school
Key People: Dani, Allistair, Izzy, Annie, Emma, Lara, David
*Lara leaves seat to go to bathroom. Izzy sees that she has left her purse. She takes it and hands it down to Allistair. Lara returns.*
(Simultaneously) Allistair: What am I doing with this? *holds up purse*
Lara: Where's my purse?
Emma: *throws Allistair a meaningful glare*
Izzy: Lara, you didn't have a purse.
Lara: Yes, I did. I left it right here.
Emma: No, you didn't, Lara.
Lara: Yes, I did!
Izzy: Oh, no. She probably left it in David's car.
Emma: Lara, did you leave your purse in the car?
Lara: NO, I left it right here!
Izzy: Lara, there wasn't a purse here.
Lara: Yes, there was!
Annie: I'll call David. *As Izzy and Emma snicker, Annie calls David* Hey, David, did Lara leave her purse in your car? (beat) Can you check in the back? (beat) Okay, thanks. *hangs up* He says it's not there.
Emma: *laughing* Did you really call him?
Annie: Yeah.
Izzy and Emma: *cracking up* (whispering) He doesn't have it!
Annie: *glares* Oh. *calls David back* David? (beat) Yeah, nevermind. *hangs up*
Lara: Where's my purse?!?
Izzy: Did you even have it, Lara?
Lara: Yes, it was right here! It's a little denim purse, about this big *makes a shape with her hands*
Allistair: *holds up denim shoulder strap* Like this?
Lara: Yes! *takes shoulder strap* Where's the rest?
Izzy: All right, Allistair. Are you holding the rest of her imaginary purse ransom?
Allistair: Why would I hold her purse for ransom if it has all of her money in it?
Lara: (now in complete realization that she's being messed with) There are also Tic-Tacs!
Izzy: I've never seen this purse before. This strap is all I've seen of it.
Lara: It's not a strap! It's a ghetto belt!
Izzy: *takes strap and puts in it on like a belt* I like this! It really accentuates my curves!
Lara: Where's my purse?
Izzy: Okay, guys. This is no longer a shoulder strap, it is apparently a ghetto belt.
Lara: Where's my purse?
Izzy: Okay, I'll call David back. *pretends to call David* Hey, David? (beat) Yeah, can you look again? Apparently what we found was not a shoulder strap, but a ghetto belt.
Lara: You know it's not really a belt...
Izzy: *continues* (beat) You sure? (beat) Did you look under the seat? (beat) Okay, thanks.
Allistar: Hey, anyone want a Tic-Tac?
Lara: Oh, I'll have one.
Izzy: What else have you got in your purse, Lara?
Lara: Uhm... there's band-aids!
*conversation goes nowhere for a while*
Allistair: OW, I cut my finger!
Dani: Good thing you've got those band-aids, Allistair.
Allistair: Yeah! *gives some to Lara* Here, have some band-aids.
Izzy: What else do you have, Lara?
Lara: There's some lip gloss in there.
Allistair: Like this? *pulls out Burt's Bees Lip Gloss*
Lara: Yeah.
Emma: Wow, I didn't know you wore that flavor, Allistair!
Izzy: Hey, Lara, isn't that the same kind you have?
Lara: Yeah, it is!
Allistair: What a coincidence!
Emma: Lara, is your cell phone in there?
Lara: Yeah, it is, but it's dead.
Allistair: Aw... looks like my cell phone's dead.
Izzy: Hey, Lara, isn't that the same style of your cell phone?
Lara: Yeah!
Emma: Hey, Lara, do you have your car keys? I can't find mine.
Lara: Yeah, they're in my purse.
Emma: Hey, Allistair, do you have my keys in your purse?
Allistair: Lemme see. Hey, yeah!
Dani: *sees the heart keychain* That's a nice keychain, Allistair.
Emma: What's it say on there, Allistair? *takes keychain* Hey, Allistair, I never knew your middle name was Lara!
Allistair: Yes, that's me, Allistair Lara *******.
Izzy: Hey, Emma, look at my recent calls list.
Emma: David's not on there!
Izzy: That's really weird!
Emma: Can you delete them? That's really weird!
Lara: Well, there's nothing left in my purse.
Dani: *drops purse on Lara's head*
Allistair: Hey, look! Is that your purse?!?
THE END
When: After a performance at the school
Key People: Dani, Allistair, Izzy, Annie, Emma, Lara, David
*Lara leaves seat to go to bathroom. Izzy sees that she has left her purse. She takes it and hands it down to Allistair. Lara returns.*
(Simultaneously) Allistair: What am I doing with this? *holds up purse*
Lara: Where's my purse?
Emma: *throws Allistair a meaningful glare*
Izzy: Lara, you didn't have a purse.
Lara: Yes, I did. I left it right here.
Emma: No, you didn't, Lara.
Lara: Yes, I did!
Izzy: Oh, no. She probably left it in David's car.
Emma: Lara, did you leave your purse in the car?
Lara: NO, I left it right here!
Izzy: Lara, there wasn't a purse here.
Lara: Yes, there was!
Annie: I'll call David. *As Izzy and Emma snicker, Annie calls David* Hey, David, did Lara leave her purse in your car? (beat) Can you check in the back? (beat) Okay, thanks. *hangs up* He says it's not there.
Emma: *laughing* Did you really call him?
Annie: Yeah.
Izzy and Emma: *cracking up* (whispering) He doesn't have it!
Annie: *glares* Oh. *calls David back* David? (beat) Yeah, nevermind. *hangs up*
Lara: Where's my purse?!?
Izzy: Did you even have it, Lara?
Lara: Yes, it was right here! It's a little denim purse, about this big *makes a shape with her hands*
Allistair: *holds up denim shoulder strap* Like this?
Lara: Yes! *takes shoulder strap* Where's the rest?
Izzy: All right, Allistair. Are you holding the rest of her imaginary purse ransom?
Allistair: Why would I hold her purse for ransom if it has all of her money in it?
Lara: (now in complete realization that she's being messed with) There are also Tic-Tacs!
Izzy: I've never seen this purse before. This strap is all I've seen of it.
Lara: It's not a strap! It's a ghetto belt!
Izzy: *takes strap and puts in it on like a belt* I like this! It really accentuates my curves!
Lara: Where's my purse?
Izzy: Okay, guys. This is no longer a shoulder strap, it is apparently a ghetto belt.
Lara: Where's my purse?
Izzy: Okay, I'll call David back. *pretends to call David* Hey, David? (beat) Yeah, can you look again? Apparently what we found was not a shoulder strap, but a ghetto belt.
Lara: You know it's not really a belt...
Izzy: *continues* (beat) You sure? (beat) Did you look under the seat? (beat) Okay, thanks.
Allistar: Hey, anyone want a Tic-Tac?
Lara: Oh, I'll have one.
Izzy: What else have you got in your purse, Lara?
Lara: Uhm... there's band-aids!
*conversation goes nowhere for a while*
Allistair: OW, I cut my finger!
Dani: Good thing you've got those band-aids, Allistair.
Allistair: Yeah! *gives some to Lara* Here, have some band-aids.
Izzy: What else do you have, Lara?
Lara: There's some lip gloss in there.
Allistair: Like this? *pulls out Burt's Bees Lip Gloss*
Lara: Yeah.
Emma: Wow, I didn't know you wore that flavor, Allistair!
Izzy: Hey, Lara, isn't that the same kind you have?
Lara: Yeah, it is!
Allistair: What a coincidence!
Emma: Lara, is your cell phone in there?
Lara: Yeah, it is, but it's dead.
Allistair: Aw... looks like my cell phone's dead.
Izzy: Hey, Lara, isn't that the same style of your cell phone?
Lara: Yeah!
Emma: Hey, Lara, do you have your car keys? I can't find mine.
Lara: Yeah, they're in my purse.
Emma: Hey, Allistair, do you have my keys in your purse?
Allistair: Lemme see. Hey, yeah!
Dani: *sees the heart keychain* That's a nice keychain, Allistair.
Emma: What's it say on there, Allistair? *takes keychain* Hey, Allistair, I never knew your middle name was Lara!
Allistair: Yes, that's me, Allistair Lara *******.
Izzy: Hey, Emma, look at my recent calls list.
Emma: David's not on there!
Izzy: That's really weird!
Emma: Can you delete them? That's really weird!
Lara: Well, there's nothing left in my purse.
Dani: *drops purse on Lara's head*
Allistair: Hey, look! Is that your purse?!?
THE END
A LARAISMS GUEST SPEAKER
*Emma is reading Twilight out loud*
Emma: (in a very high-pitched voice) "A table for two?" Her voice...
"HIS voice!"
*Emma looks at page, realizes she has just said Edward's line in the waitress' voice, and covers her eyes in shame. After much laughing...*
Emma: (in an incredibly deep voice) "A table for two?"
Emma: (in a very high-pitched voice) "A table for two?" Her voice...
"HIS voice!"
*Emma looks at page, realizes she has just said Edward's line in the waitress' voice, and covers her eyes in shame. After much laughing...*
Emma: (in an incredibly deep voice) "A table for two?"
Sunday, December 16, 2007
Lara on Breathing
*Emma places herself on top of Lara's arm*
"You're on my arm! I can't breathe!"
Dad: You don't need your arm to breathe.
"Says you!"
"You're on my arm! I can't breathe!"
Dad: You don't need your arm to breathe.
"Says you!"
Saturday, December 15, 2007
Lara on Laraisms
"You can't just ask me to say Laraisms... I just kind of puke them up, in the words of Sam. She was trying to say a Samism, and she just said, 'I can't do it. You just kind of puke them up.' I'm like, wow, that's a nice visual, Sam."
*Lara makes a puking noise and gestures with her hands*
"Blllllaaaargh... corn!"
*Lara makes a puking noise and gestures with her hands*
"Blllllaaaargh... corn!"
Lara on Removing Plants from the House
"Don't worry... it's supposed to do that."
*stuff falls off of chandelier*
"That means that you're doing it right."
*stuff falls off of chandelier*
"That means that you're doing it right."
Sunday, December 2, 2007
Lara on Phrasing
"Yeah, my walls are sorta covered in crap."
Emma: Yeah. They are covered in crap.
"No! Only I can say that. To you, it's 'creative junk'."
Emma: Yeah. They are covered in crap.
"No! Only I can say that. To you, it's 'creative junk'."
NEWS UPDATE: LARA SIGHTING
There has been a Lara sighting! At 12:42 a.m. this morning, Lara was spotted dancing to crazy music on stage at Elliot Hall. Apparently, a civilian with a video camera caught a brief recording of the amazing spectacle, which we are now privileged to watch. The civilian declined to give their name.
Sunday, November 25, 2007
Saturday, November 17, 2007
BONUS: A Laraisms Guest Speaker
Anastasia: "Joe doesn't want to travel. You and I'll travel!"
John: "Sounds good. We can be Canadians!"
Friday, October 26, 2007
Thursday, October 25, 2007
Tuesday, October 23, 2007
Sunday, October 14, 2007
Lara on Alternatives
"If you duct tape two chickens together, they are like a piggy. This is the plan:
Tyler: piggy
Sister Marie: piggy
The Shark: piggy
Edmundo: two chickens
Little Ingrid: two chickens.
We think this will work out well."
Tyler: piggy
Sister Marie: piggy
The Shark: piggy
Edmundo: two chickens
Little Ingrid: two chickens.
We think this will work out well."
Monday, October 8, 2007
Sunday, October 7, 2007
Lara on Intelligent Conversations
"But you guys are talking all anti-hero and I'm just like, 'uuuuuuugh.'"
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